According to my site statistics, one of my most viewed posts is a piece called “The Myth of Midwestern Kindness”. I was reminded of it in the days following the recent blizzard. It was the third worst storm in Chicago history and effectively brought this bustling city to a screeching halt. It was a time that frayed nerves and tested the patience of many — particularly any knucklehead who thought it was a good idea to get on Lake Shore Drive during a huge snowstorm.
The thing that really brought my old post to mind though, was it’s central theme: Midwesterners are good, kind, selfless people, or, moreover, the fact that I think that that assumption is utter bullshit. The behavior of many Chicagoans worsens as the temperature drops and the snow piles up.
If you’ve lived in Chicago for any amount of time, you’re undoubtedly aware of the concept of “dibs”. If you’re not, allow me to explain: After a massive snowfall, city salt and plow trucks concentrate firstly on the main thoroughfares. Side streets are, for obvious reasons, lower priority. This means that thousands of residents whose cars are entombed must fend for themselves. The result is motorists having to dig out and rescue their vehicles from the evil clutches of Old Man Winter. Such backbreaking efforts can literally take hours, causing untold mental and physical anguish. This leads to a bloated sense of entitlement and the erroneous impression that the chunk of street for which they’ve staked claim belongs to them. This is nonsense, of course, since the road is a piece of public land that it is owned by no one person.
It’s a time-honored — and much argued about — tradition here in Chicago. Newcomers (and some old-timers) can’t believe that some folks have the audacity to put up a couple of lawn chairs and plywood to try and “save” a spot that doesn’t belong to them in any legal sense. You’ve not experienced the so-called kindness of Midwesterners until you’ve witnessed two grown men screaming at each other over the ownership of something that doesn’t belong to either of them. What’s worse, is that some folks who choose to ignore the “dibs” and toss the makeshift place-holders to the side, often face vandalism of their vehicles. Many a car has been keyed and tire slashed over “dibs” disrespect. How a popped tire helps the situation, I am not really sure. Instead of the “dibs” claimant getting “their” space back the next time the “thief” drives off, they get to wait until the thaw. Brilliant.
The Great Blizzard of 2011 — a.k.a., The Snowmageddon, The Blizzaster, The Snowpacolypse, Snowtorious B.I.G., etc. — was difficult for most everyone. I, personally, didn’t have to leave my neighborhood. I am one of the lucky people who doesn’t adhere to a 9-to-5 schedule. But I can absolutely emphathize, because not so long ago I was doing the very same thing: Shoveling out my vehicle; trudging knee-deep through blocks and blocks of unpaved sidewalk to get to the train; waiting in sideways blowing snow on a CTA platform for a train that seems to never come. Winter can test your patience; a blizzard can push you over the edge. It’s no wonder that people are a little testier than normal toward one another.
I am extremely heartened when I hear stories about neighbors who work together to un-bury cars, shovel sidewalks and just generally make the neighborhood more tolerable for everyone. Such occurrences of collective action seem rare. It’s not been my personal experience, but I am definitely impressed when I hear about them. I guess that makes me a Socialist, but I digress.
The unfortunate thing is that you mostly hear about the bad stuff. The “dibs” drama has been all over the local news and the web. But one particular wintertime drama of a different kind caught my eye. It’s instances like this that make me stand firm on the idea that Chicago is a place full of most self-entitled assholes who’d sooner piss in your front yard than do the right and decent thing — in this case, literally. I’ll let the video tell the story:
Apparently winter turns unassuming innocents to a life of crime. Bravo to the guy with the snow blower. He showed more restraint than a lot of people would.
Maybe I’m letting my anxiousness to leave get the best of me. Maybe the residual bad energy of the blizzard is still hanging over me — me, who had to be nowhere nor do anything for three days. Or maybe I have a point. However you slice it, winter can easily turn supposed humble, stoic Midwesterners into total dicks.
I’m sure I will miss Chicago — my friends, the places I like to go, the glorious spring and summer. But I will most certain not miss wintertime, nor the lycanthropic-like change that befalls many Chicagoans during this season. -fin-
PS: Here’s a somewhat-related blog about the Midwest that I couldn’t quite find a way of working into my piece, but find interesting and funny nonetheless: “Go Midwest, Young Man. Then Leave” .
