Well, here I am: One week before my departure to San Francisco.
The Brown Elephant resale shop came today to take away last of the giveaway furniture. Friends are coming over this week for the rest of stuff I’m selling. What remains is an apartment in a state of mild chaos: Half packed boxes, dirty laundry, the stuff of everyday living that remains in limbo until the waning hours. I’ve managed to distill life to about four boxes and some luggage. As I survey a half-packed life, I still can’t help but wonder if I’m taking too much.
My credit cards are now completely paid off. I’m managed the seemingly impossible feat of both knocking our my debt AND achieving the money-saving goal I set for myself. I don’t believe in miracles, but I do believe in myself.
With two remaining shifts left at work, the next week remains mostly unscripted. It’s a paradox, because I feel like I’ll have too much free time, yet still so much to do. Mostly I’ll be saying goodbye to people, places, things. It’s a farewell to nouns.
Every goal must eventually be achieved. Now that I’m on the precipice of my personal achievement, my insides are a vortex of complex emotions. I find myself a little weepy at times when I think of what I’m losing — or more specifically who I’m losing. I have few regrets and no hesitance about taking my leave. But to quote a song that’s at least as old as I am: “Sometimes you gotta know how to lose to know how to win.”
I am happy about my decision to move on. I have no doubt that life will unfold as it should and all will be well. A new home awaits. In the meantime, I feel appropriately wistful about what I am leaving behind. It’s an end, for sure. But it is also a beginning. -fin-
I am cheering you on. A year from now we will laugh about this, but for right now I know how you feel completely. XO
And you have new friends awaiting your arrival